Well! This is not the November blog I had intended to write but here I am posting it in December.
I began writing this blog 8 days post op. resting in bed taking advantage of the downtime to write & share this latest health scare with you...
For a week or so I felt a slight niggle of pain in my right side. I ignored it hoping it'd go away. But by Tuesday night the pain was keeping me up.
It was all starting to feel familiar, very similar to the pain I felt in June when I had emergency surgery on my twisted bowel.
Wednesday I called up my gyno. my most trusted Dr who's known me for 6 years & has delivered all of my bubs. I was hoping it was just a burst ovarian cyst & he'd sort me out.
He sent me straight off for bloods & an X-Ray. Nothing showed up there so next was an ultrasound.
I got in with a specialist women’s ultrasound clinic. At 4pm that day. 4pm! I had to sort out my 4 year old, the baby, do school pickup & get back into town by 4. Impossible! I couldn't get down there so instead I went in the next day at 1:30pm.
I had a terrible night & by Thursday morning I was in a really bad way. I could hardly move & had to call hubby home from work to drive me to my scan. I’d also called in my Mum & mother in-law to babysit my crew.
The pain was making me feel so sick. Sitting in the clinic waiting area I couldn’t get comfy, kept shifting in my seat. Far out the pain was so bad I was actually in tears sitting there.
The sonographer called me in & I could barely walk. She & hubby help me in & up onto the bed.
She calls a Dr. in for the whole scan cause I think we all know whatever is going on in there can't be good.
I lay through the most painful scan, crying, sick bag in hand being poked & prodded on the sore spots trying to find the source of the pain. I'm trying to keep still, not throw up or pee.
They find something. It's not good. The Dr steps out to call my gyno. & hubby takes me to the toilet.
There I sit & sob & pee & sob some more. I've lost it by now I can't control the tears & any composure I did have was long gone.
We head back to my gyno. to discuss the report & what's next.
He is so upset when he sees the state I'm in. He's shaking his head & he looks so sad I honestly reckon he was close to tears.
Hubby & I spend the next 10 minutes sitting with him while he makes phone calls. It's scaring the shit out of me how urgent he's making my case sound to those medical staff on the other end of the line.
He has me admitted to hospital. Straight into the surgical ward as I need emergency surgery ASAP.
It's a short walk across the car park to the ward. My case is treated as life threatening. They’re worried I have a bowel obstruction. SHIT.
The surgeon requests a CT. They wheel me over but I'm way too sick to have it done. So they scrap that & decide on pain relief first. I sit, I stand I'm in agony. I'm carrying on like such a sook. I grab hold of my hubby’s shoulders. He has a strong calm energy that I just let wash over me.
I give in & let the nurses take over. Take me to the bed. Inject the pain relief then the surgeon comes to see me.
He tells me to prepare myself. I could be waking up with a colostomy bag, a big vertical incision on my belly or if things go well key hole wounds. I can't even make eye contact with the student nurse who looks horrified.
In a panic I have a quick glance at hubby who is just oozing calm. He doesn’t even need to touch me to comfort me. But when he did place his warm hands on my back without saying a word I knew he was telling me we'd be Ok.
My gyno is so concerned, he pays me a quick visit while I'm in the pre-op waiting bay. Then off I go into the unknown. Hoping for the best preparing for the worst, wondering how the hell I'm going to recover from another major surgery, that I’ve had no time to prepare for.
I wake up in recovery. Whip my oxygen mask off & first thing I say is "how many cuts?" A voice answers "3 key holes" YES. I go back to sleep.
My nurses are all amazing & I'm so well looked after. A little too well they drove me nuts with the post op. obs all night I just wanted to sleep I was so groggy! But thankful to be alive & well with the best possible surgical outcome.
I learn later on I had adhesions (scar tissue) on my bowel & colon which they assume was the source of the horrendous pain. But they’re not entirely sure? While I was under they also removed my appendix to avoid any future adhesions getting attached to it & giving me grief down the track.
Since June I'm now down my fallopian tubes & appendix. There’s not much left in there now let me tell ya!
Most of Friday is spent sleeping. I am so exhausted from the whole ordeal I can’t do much else other than sleep.
The day seems to pass in a groggy pain relief haze, and my boys come to visit.
The room is peaceful, calm & full of love. My hubby & my son I love them both so much. I can’t help but nap while they're there but I know they don’t mind. I miss my other 2 babes terribly but in that moment I was content with my boys.
I sleep pretty well overnight & in the morning I wait for my surgeon to come in.
My first visitor of the day is my Gyno. He's popped in again to check on me & is still upset to see me unwell. Upset but also relieved it's all over for now. In all that I’ve been through over the years he’s always been by my side. I’m so touched by how much he cares.
My surgeon is next & as far as he’s concerned all has gone well. Recovery is expected to be fine but unfortunately there’s no way to prevent the return of this scar tissue. So all I can do for now is heal then hope for the best.
By Saturday afternoon my bags are packed & I’m waiting for hubby to pick me up to take me home.
There’s a gentle knock at my door & it’s a cleaner. She pops her head in to ask if I’m OK. With her hand on her heart & a sad look in her eyes she tells me she was working the day I came in & she saw me. She'd been worried & just wanted to check I was OK. How lovely but also frightening to think of how terrible I must have looked.
I’m sure I terrified my student nurse as she was next to pop in to check that I was feeling better.
And finally before hubby arrived my last visitor for the day was the first nurse to tend to me on Thursday afternoon. She was so glad to see me looking better & told me to go home & focus on recovery.
I felt so flattered all these people had come to visit me before I left. It did break my heart a bit to think they were checking in to see that I'd survived the op. I actually mentioned it to a friend & told her "I think they were making sure I wasn’t dead".
By Saturday night I’m home in my bed. Although I’m so very lucky & i know it I’m sad & feeling traumatized.
I almost didn’t make it home. I left for an app. & almost never came back. I could have left my beautiful kids & husband forever. No warning. Gone. I’m so rattled & I just want them all around me. But I can’t just yet. I’m way too sore & sleeping so much.
Kisses & cuddles will have to do for now and I tell them all a million times each how much I love them, like really really LOVE them.
It takes about a day or two before I have a delayed cry. Cry out that panic I felt, Cry out the shock, the reality of having yet another bloody surgery, another recovery, more time taken away from my family & the stress of trying to Mum once more with this broken body.
Broken sums it up perfectly. Broken, completely rattled, feeling like such a shit mum & wife.
I’ve let them all down again. Each time I've been to hell & back I’ve dragged them all with me.
Guilt & worry is beginning to overwhelm me. I’m sure it’s down to her intuition, Savanah senses something so she draws me a couple of special pictures.
They snap me out of it the second I lay my eyes on them.
One drawing is me calling out to Savanah "I'm going to save the world" And in the other she's drawn me on top of a rainbow & labelled me "Supa Mum"
In my broken state she sees me as Supa Mum & I can save the world.
She is amazing & I love her so much. I tell her another million times just to be sure she gets the message lol.
By Friday night I'm ready for some serious snuggles so we put a movie on once the baby is asleep and all lay in my bed together for a movie night.
It was the perfect dose of family time I’d been so desperately craving.
I’m so very disappointed this has happened. Spewing I'm down & out so close to Christmas. But as always with me, I'm so lucky to have heaps of support.
My husband has once again stepped up as he always does & has been amazing at juggling full time work during the silly season, all 3 babes & of course his pain in the ass wife.
My Mum has been around every single day taking care of kids, me, doing my grocery shopping, running errands, the house & running the kids around for me.
Thank goodness for my mother in-law once the weekend rolls around all 3 little ones have a sleepover there giving us a chance to catch our breath.
As if emergency surgery wasn’t enough I was tested once more 12 days post op. A simple trip to my GP had me off for an urgent chest CT for a suspected clot in my lung. The GP offered to call me an ambulance which I declined as my heart just couldn’t take that! The contrast dye injection for the CT was a disaster. I bled so much the blood dripped down my arm, all over the side of the bed & even down to the floor.
I lay there thinking, seriously? After all this a blood clot is what kills me if I don’t bleed out here first? Complete over reaction but at that stage there was just nothing left in the emotional tank. I had messaged a friend & said “it must just be my time to die” Of course she tells me “You are not going to die”. I wanted to believe her but with all that had happened I was really scared.
Luckily the CT was clear & all was fine. But ffs! what a day to add to the mix of this awful time. I was not ready to handle that which was why I didn’t I was a mess.
I’d had plenty of down time. Time to rest. Time to reflect & think. The thought has entered my mind to write a book. So amongst all of the usual chaos whirling around in there I'm now toying with the idea of writing a book. I have actually attempted to write before but the timing has been off & I never fully committed. As a friend has said to me "maybe now is the right time" I'll keep you all posted…
Thank you all for what has been a very eventful year. Thank you for supporting me, my store & the couple of events I’ve hosted. I’ve really enjoyed this year of business, blogging, making new friends & getting to meet quite a few of you in person has been amazing.
From the bottom of my heart, thank you!
I wish you all a Merry Christmas, a beautiful break & a kick ass 2020.
Thanks for reading, much love.